Have you ever heard your husband and his buddies mention “cruise” wives? If so, it was probably by mistake. There are some things we, as wives, are not supposed to know. (Just like husband are not supposed to know how many pairs of shoes we bought during their deployment.) If, however, you did overhear your husband use the term “cruise wife,” you might have felt confused, angry, curious, jealous, or all of the above. So let me explain what I know.

As far as I can tell, a “cruise wife” is someone (usually a celebrity) that your husband thinks about to pass the time while he is away from you. When do they think about the cruise wife? Well, let’s not go there. I’ve never ventured to ask, although I’ve used my imagination and I assume you can use yours, too. However, my husband tells me that the idea of a “cruise wife” is much more innocent than it seems. A cruise wife is meant to be a distraction, someone for the guys to talk about, perhaps to soften the painful reality of missing one’s actual wife, because Heaven forbid these guys should ever actually sit down and cry together (as we do). It is much more masculine, I suppose, to dish about the rear end on Jennifer Lopez.

Speaking of which, Jennifer Lopez was my husband’s cruise wife.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I need a distraction of my own, something that doesn’t involve spending money or consuming calories. So I’ve been searching for a cruise husband, and I think I’ve settle on Stephen Colbert of “The Colbert Report.

“How about you?

1. Who do you think your husband’s cruise wife would be?

2. Who would you pick to be your cruise husband?