I hate missing a call from my husband when he is deployed – let’s see, most of the last two years. Lately I had been feeling down and out of sorts and looked forward to conversations with hubby. I usually don’t worry but sometimes if I don’t hear from for a long stretch of time a thought creeps into my head (something happened but they can’t notify me). When we finally talk the conversation goes something like this:
me: How are you? I haven’t talked to you in a long time..I was worried – just a little
him: Hun don’t worry – I worry about you in the car with the kids – don’t use your cell while you are driving. The last few days were pretty crazy
me: Does that mean bad, or dangerous bad, or just strange?
him: All three
me: Now I am worried – are you done flying for today or not?
him: Can’t tell you that, but don’t worry
Sure easier said than done. Eventually in the course of our somewhat brief conversation I forget that I was worried.
Unfortunately I hadn’t heard from my husband in a long time when finally he called twice in the last week and I missed his call! I walked around with my cell and yet the call went straight to voice-mail. The other time I was taking a shower! I have to start taking my phone next to the shower. I hate when that happens especially because there is no way to call back find out anything. Completely powerless….
Anyway hopefully I will talk to my hubby sometime soon. Until then I guess I will have to watch Reba re-runs to cheer me up….
17 Comments
Suck it up. Big deal.
Oh, Suck it Up is so easy and reflects your mental health.
She’s just having an emotional time or days and feels she can vent here.
I work with young wives and I DO say suck it up..I just didn’t think it was necessary this time.
My husband is going back for his 4th. I will either get irritated when he calls because I’ll be in the middle of my favorite show or I will hang on to his every word because I have missed him so much. We all have good and bad days. I’d rather she vent here than to the younger spouses who she might scare.
I must respond to Suckitup…..reading your comment made my blood boil. I have been in this situation and can totally relate. Despite all of my efforts to forward calls and carry a phone everywhere I have missed calls from my husband. I understand the down days because I am having many of them. We all handle deployments differently. Military spouses need to support each other without judgement or criticism. Remember that, you don’t know what each day will bring.
I never say suck it up. Sorry, Anita, I’m responding to Suck It Up- by the way, very clever, giving yourself the same name as your post.
Once we’ve walked in each other’s shoes, we might, just might have the right to tell one another to suck it up. Until then, we need to show each other compassion.
I’m pretty sure Suck it Up has a weakness somewhere in that hard shell of a person that responded to this post so calleously. In fact, I’d say that weakness is being proud enough to identify yourself when picking on another person.
Anita- I get you. There are days when you realize just what it is that your husband does and that is really scary. It’s overwhelming to be away from your partner in life and even more so when you can’t even be open with each other to know what’s going on.
Just know that your husband is protecting you on such a huge level- one that most men would love to do for their wives. Our husbands and wives protect our COUNTRY. They keep our children safe and our houses warm with love, even when they can’t be there
I commend you, Anita, for your willingness to share you moment of weakness.
I commend you, Suck It Up, for being so insightful and taking such pride in using your birth name to identify yourself when picking on another person.
Can everyone please say BULLY? Thanks.
Bully. You’re welcome.
LOL, Babette.
I’ve also had times when DH was away and I missed a non-returnable call. I’ve come home to a blinking message on an answering machine (because we didn’t have a cellphone at the time), and just leaned my head on the wall and bawled because I knew without even checking that I had missed DH by minutes. (And I had.)
We all go through rough times, and it’s nice to know we’re not alone in those experiences. Thank you for sharing yours, Anita.
Hum, here is my own response to suckitup.
I don’t take offense to your comment, sometimes suckitup is good advice – I say that to my children and my self on occasions.
I have learned over time, that hiding weaknesses or denying that I have some doesn’t make me a strong or capable person, who can face life’s challenges.
It’s the ability to accept the fragility of the human character that can make me an amazing individual – likewise, it’s the inability to recognize weaknesses in a fellow human being that makes us pathetic figures.
I am a compassionate woman, mother and friend, because I can empathize with someone who cannot lose weight, who cannot control his or her temper, who uses insults because she lacks knowledge and understanding, who can only speak through anger because she is ignorant.
If you search thoroughlly inside your “suckitup” attitude, you may find feelings of compassion or warmth toward other’s weaknesses. For as much as you may find this notion appalling, we are all in the same boat, it’s part of the human experience, and if you get past the hard shell you will find that it’s more fun to share the good and the bad, the happy and the unhappy, the scary and the tranquil.
There is hope. Suckitup, my friend – it’s really not such a big deal….
I saw this post yesterday before anyone had replied to it, and found it impossible to respond to it, without using words like stupid, boorish, ignorant as well as a number of words that would of gotten my mouth washed out with soap. My wife has never been deployed (thank God), and when she goes TDY for a couple of days, I miss her, though I do enjoy being able to walk around the house, in my underwear, drinking beer and passing gas without her rude comments. I haven’t a clue what it must be like for you ladies to have to deal with multiple deployments. All I can say is, I hope that suckitup doesn’t vote or reproduce. To have your spouse gone for a year, and too miss an opportunity to speak to them, would indeed be painful. There is a lot more I’d like to say, but, “suckitup” isn’t worth the effort. Military wives tend to be some of the strongest woman I’ve ever met.
Anita,
We feel your pain. I can relate to what Babette said, about missing the call by mere minutes. That is the worst. Keep your chin up and feel encouraged that he is ok and he loves you! You will hear from him again. It won’t be long and this will be all over with and he will be right there with you! HUGS!
well i was sitting here today crying, waiting for my husband to call and came across this page. i saw the comment from suckitup, i felt to angry, hurt, and sorry. sorry for people who can say suck it up and apparently not miss their husbands enough to shed a tear. i cry for him and i am not ashamed. i cry for my kids, when they miss their dad. crying is not a wekness, but a form of strength. you have to be a stong person to put your emotions out there.. i applaud you for the blog, and girl, keep that cell phone with you even in the shower, lol. you are all in my prayers!
moo-thanks for sharing your feelings…I’m sorry you are having a tough time. One of my dear friends, Michelle, is having a tough time with her husband being gone and my heart goes out to all of you ladies. Hugs…
Anita,
My husband is on his fourth deployment, and my heart goes out to you. The first time he was away, there was no internet and another unit had a satellite phone that he could use every 2-3 weeks. I took my cell phone everywhere, even on the shower ledge, and still missed calls sometimes. I bawled. He was in a place that was bombarded by RPGs a lot of the time, and I kept hoping that I hadn’t missed his last call. The second and third times, he was in places that had high speed internet and we used Skype, where he could call our home computer from his laptop. He’d call our house so I could get on the computer and then call via Skype. It was wonderful! This time has been touch and go – some very low speed internet with no access to phones at his first station and DSN access at the place where he is now.
The ups and downs are hard, but we do hang on and depend on our family and friends during the hard times and celebrate and remember the good times. Hang in there (and you don’t have to suck it up!), and remember that you’re not alone. Lots and lots of us are with you.
Hi there, well I am a very new spouse to the military. I am stationed in Japan at the moment. I want to say, that i totally understand what you are going through in regards to missing calls and not being able to call them back. I used to get in trouble at work, having my mobile right next to me, as it constantly rang, but was not him. So i do understand how hard it is.
Hang in there, email me!
Michelle
Michelle- When I worked at United Way, I told everyone at the beginning of meetings that my husband comes first and if they saw me walk out of the room without an excuse, he was the reason…
Funny thing is, with all the CEOs that I worked with and fast-paced, high salaried corporate types, they always pulled me aside and told me that they respected my commitment to my husband…
It makes me sad that one person can make a mean comment and then they get all the focus.
I am in the same situation at this point too. I hate the thought of missing his calls. They are too far and few in-between as it is. I go through a whirl wind of emotions when I dont hear from him. It can be anywhere from sadness, frustration, anxiety, understanding, anger and a feeling of being completely alone. If it has been too long between calls or contact my mind starts racing and coming up with all the negative things. I really think that it is very normal to feel all of these things and more. After all this isn’t a usual family structure.
You should try to do some special things for yourself, dont just do things for him like sending him packages while not doing anything for yourself.
Make sure you try to get involved in things that not only take your mind off of your situation for a little while but also something that you love and enjoy. It will give you something to look forward to and can also be something that you can share with your husband when you do get to talk to him.
Its hard and its painful and thats all there is too it….
Hmm…I dated my DH for 5 month before I married him 6 months ago, in fact today is our 11 month anniversary. I found out 35 days after getting married that my DH was going to be gone for our 1st wedding anniversary among other things, he is leaving right after the 4th of July. I bawled and bawled since I found out, I still do. I have no clue how to deal with this and I dont want to imagine missing a call from my DH. But I do know that if some one told me to suck it up they would see how fast I can move, expecially if they have no idea what I’m going through. I dont think that anyone on here and in some cases people in our lives have the right to tell us to suck it up. I’ve been on this site for a few days now and have been talking to other military wives since I found out that he would be leaving and none of them have been so insensitive, I for one came across this site and thought to myself that I have found something that might help me deal with everything going on. I was pulling my hair out two days ago with guilt and worry but now I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one going through all of these emotions. Everyone, or I should say most everyone has wonderful insite and ideas that I intend to use when my DH does deploy.
I would just like to thank everyone for their sacrifices and wisdom.
Try http://www.deploymentphone.info It is a service with a monthly rate that can be paid by allotment. All calls from the Iraq theater to the US are unlimited. Only $65.00 monthly.
It is is a phone number linked to any cell phone land line or skype number, in the US Canada,Puerto Rico, and EU countries.
My husband can call home from the office phone, cell phone, laptop or have any military switchboard operator connect him. It is a great service. Have a blessed day.