I know it’s been quite a while since my last blog entry, but I do have a couple of good excuses for my absence.
Excuse #1: Since my husband and I don’t live together like “normal” married couples, even when he’s not deployed; I occasionally take time off from life to fly to where he is for a conjugal visit. So that’s where I’ve been part of the time.
Excuse #2: The Army has totally kicked us while we were down, which has sucked butt and I’m still horked off about it. The bad thing is I am taking it out on my husband and it’s not his fault. And I know that if I’m doing this, I know that there are other spouses out there in the blogosphere who have felt and acted the same way as I am – which is like a spoiled three year-old having a tantrum when the parent says “no you can’t have that toy.” I really want to jump up and down screaming until my face turns red and steam comes out of my ears. But that behaviour is not cool coming from a thirty-five year-old woman. Which means I have to act like an adult even though I really, really want to throw that freaking tantrum.
The reason for the tantrum: The Army assignment guy is making my husband choose between an assignment to Korea, and a two-year long company command. I don’t think I need to emphasize to anyone reading this that both options suck dog doodie. This totally bites because my DH has been home from Iraq less than six months. Both “choices” mean going very long periods of time – yet again – without being able to see him.
I am so close to having that proverbial melt-down that so many wives have had over the past five or six years, where so many of us have decided “Enough, I want off this ride; it’s not worth it anymore.” I’m right on that edge and it won’t take much to push me over it right now.
A week ago, right after being informed of this “choice” by my husband; I hosted a pity-party for one at my house. Yesterday I finally managed to recover from my Cadbury Egg and Margarita induced coma. Yes - I was so emotionally traumatized that I mixed chocolate and margaritas, which is not a combination found in nature and should never be duplicated. Ever.Again.
Excuse #3: I’m am still recovering from kidney failure and trying like hell to keep my acute kidney failure from becoming chronic kidney failure – which is the kind you don’t want. This entails pretty stringent attention to my diet and lots of exercise to help keep my blood pressure down. I was doing okay with controlling my blood pressure until the last two weeks (see excuse #2 for reasons why). Now I’m back on a very light dose of pills to try and get it back down.
Excuse #4: It’s officially spring, which means it’s finally time to get into the yard and start spring clean up. So that’s where all my free daylight hours are being spent right now. This is doubly hard when your spouse is absent and can’t help you. It also does not help to have a golden retriever who thinks it’s fun to run through the piles of leaves and debris after you’ve raked it up into neat piles.
Excuse #5:My work life has not exactly been sunshine, roses, rainbows and fabric softener farts lately. I find myself questioning why I took this position and what I had hoped to gain by it. But that’s enough of that, I try very hard to keep my work life and personal life separate and I haven’t been doing so well with that goal lately.
So that’s where I’ve been and what’s been going on with me, I’ll try to be around more, if nothing else so you guys can pull me out my funk now and again.
8 Comments
That totally sucks. But I do have to admit that your comment about “fabric softener farts” made me laugh out loud. So I’m giving this blog the “You Made My Day” award… if you’d like it, you can get it at my blog
“Enough, I want off this ride; it’s not worth it anymore.” I’m right on that edge and it won’t take much to push me over it right now.
I feel you, I really do. The edge is ever there, threatening to pull us over.
Thank you for hanging in there. Thank you for supporting and loving your husband. Thank you for your very real sacrifice. It matters.
What kind of margarita, Nik? (making note: Mail Nikki some Jose Cuervo) The good news is-I might have a recommendation for what to do with those leftover eggs…
Since we are doing numbers…
1) I want to throw a tantrum because I love running thru piles of leaves. So put down the rake and join the pup. You might learn something from the sweetie pie.
BTW: The lesson is to just let go and play sometimes because you work way too hard.
2) I know all about the ‘I want off this ride’ as you know. We went round and round about retirement. Although I know we made the right choice for the kids, I am not sure so about DH. I just couldn’t handle anymore separations. So from one abnormal married couple to another feel free to vent away.
3) Keep your health foremost. It has to be your priority.
4) Why didn’t I get a margarita? When you make mine be sure to put a yellow or striped umbrella in it please. Oh and hold the Cuervo or I probably will be running thru the leaves with the pup.
Wow. I’m new here and feel that it was very fortuatous that I found other abnormal couples. My DH has been out of the service a few years having served in Desert Storm. He came back with 2 purple hearts but needless to say he is pretty messed up physically and mentally. He was finally classified as 100% disabled last year and is having trouble adjusting to the life of retirement. A large part of his disability is severe PTSD. Sometimes when we are in the pool he thinks he is in the jungle or desert and makes me be very very quiet and still so no one sees us. It is creepy and I too have times of wanting to give up. He is getting a lot of help and those lapses are coming less often but when they come they are doozies. It has taken a lot to walk away from his ranting and wait until it passes. I want to fight back. When I stop to think of him and all the soldiers as the heros they are, I calm down and do my best to support him through the “dark times”. We are currently working with the Legion to help other Vets apply to the VA for benefits and get the help they need. I hope it makes a difference because when they come home they need all the help they can get immediately.
I am so glad I read your blog. My fiance is in the Air Force stationed in Oklahoma and I live in NJ. It’s rough with the distance between us even knowing either one of us can hope a plan and see each other anytime, well at least when the rates are low enough. Thank you for making me smile!
Thank you so much for the blog. I feel your pain. I, too, have had my fair share of wanting to get off this ride. Especially when you find out that you have to be away from dear husband even longer than expected. On the bright side of things, you made me laugh many times. And I really needed that! I’m pretty sure I’m not alone with the giggles. Know that you are not alone and there are plenty of us that will help keep you grounded. You did a good job at grounding me with this blog. Keep your chin up!!
Hey there girl. if you get this message, it is me, anoon (kiki/kathleen). I have been curious as to what you’ve been up to, and how have you been. What is this about kidney failure? Please give me a shout if you get this. Kikidoe@gmail.com. or if you can see the email addy that is attached to this, use that.
Love,
kiki