If someone asked me, “Which relationship is your most complex?” I would confidently say the one with food.

Truthfully, eating is complicated. To varying degrees, most of us have some sort of hang up when it comes to food. It can become an obsession, a way to soothe our unmet needs, take out anger and frustration, and regulate our emotional states. In fact, complex doesn’t even come close to describing our relationship with food. Diets and diet food are a very lucrative market, one based on our inability to normalize this relationship — yet we continue to struggle.

I’m the last person who could ever say that finding a solution is simple. I dealt with an eating disorder for years, and even today try to regulate my eating.

I have observed that I often feel hungry or feel like binge eating when I am more vulnerable. For someone like me who is always trying to be in control of the house, the kids and a deployed husband, vulnerability is a no-no.

I’m aware that I’m not the only one dealing with this issue. It seems to affect everyone across age groups and even countries.

For example, my mom and my aunt came to visit me from Italy for about a week and they wanted to eat a lot of unhealthy food. Splurging on vacation is natural, who wants to constantly watch what they eat when they are having a little fun? But what struck me was how or when we ate the food. Granted, my aunt’s constant craving for biscuits, French fries and hamburgers didn’t help. But I realized that we’re eating lots of food when we discussed how home-sick I felt and their impending departure.

It was easier to stuff our mouths than to confront our feelings.

Everyone does this sometimes. Military spouses are susceptible to using food as a way to soothe their worries.

I don’t think the solution is in a “must-do-this” mentality. At least it has never worked for me. Diets, exercise and healthy habits work if they’re the outward expression of our internal change, our effort to consciously eat.

Taking a deep breath and just asking myself if I’m really hungry for the bread or the biscuits helps. Sometimes all it takes is just a few seconds and I find that I can thoroughly enjoy the food I choose for what it is, and separate it from my emotions. I just have to take the time to be aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it.

As always it’s a work in progress but it’s worth the effort when it’s about our health and well being.