I try to keep my baby poop stories to a minimum. Even though I, being the father of a 5-month-old son, find the subject continuously hilarious, I realize other people may actually find it disgusting. That said, I can’t resist telling this one:

For the first several months of their lives, babies go number 2 very frequently, almost every time they eat. As they get older, that changes. Their frequent, though manageable poos become unpredictable and much more, shall we say, significant.

On the day of our friend Megan’s wedding, it had been two days since Sean’s last ‘movement.’ We kept hoping he’d take care of it before we had to leave for the ceremony, but he resisted. (Babies can be very stubborn.) So we dressed him in the very handsome outfit we had purchased especially for the occasion, popped him in the car seat, and off we went.

It was an outdoor wedding on the shore of the Detroit River, which is nicer than it sounds. Shortly after the ceremony commenced I got up to walk around with Sean because he was fidgeting and squealing and trying to steal the show. Shortly after that I heard/felt one of his shocking, um, evacuations. I retrieved the diaper bag from where it sat next to his mom and picked a shady spot under a tree where I could change him.

Fellow Navy spouses will understand what I mean when I say the ‘hull’ was ‘breached’ in two places. Everyone else, use your imaginations. I would have to perform a cleanup and full outfit change.

Thankfully, we were prepared.

However, as I sat there in the shade with my naked (though clean) son, readying the fresh diaper and clean onesie, I heard the pastor say, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife,’ and then I heard everyone clapping. I looked over my shoulder to see my friends walking directly towards me. They stopped 8 feet away.

And that’s where the receiving line formed.

Sean had managed to steal the show after all.

At the reception, Megan told her mom the story, and her mom looked at me and said, ‘Oh, you’re the baby-changing guy.’

Yep, that’s me: the baby-changing guy.