OK I made the mistake of reading Attachment Parenting by Dr. Sears 5 years ago and the book scared me away from “sleep trainers” so I need some seasoned moms to talk some sense into me. I am really afraid to let my babies cry. When my pediatrician said, “Just let her cry and go in after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes I thought she was crazy.” Now I am not so sure she was because the attachment parenting thing kind of back fired. Now my daughter is five and still has a hard time getting to sleep on her own. “I had a bad dream, I am thirsty, etc” every night. So with my second boy I was a little tougher but he really didn’t fuss too much when I put him down and he is a great sleeper so the little fussing he did paid off. But my question now is this…My four month old is co-sleeping with me (I was just too lazy in the beginning) but I am having second thoughts on this arrangement. I nurse him and then put him in the crib (I try). But the instant his little body hits the crib sheets and he realizes its not the King bed, he goes ballistic!! I try and rub his back, sing (very off key), and rock him, but the minute I creep slowly out of his room, bingo! My husband comes home in the end of June and I want to share my bed with him rather than our little muchkin. He just seems too young to let him fuss?
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Oh mama I have been where you are!! We coslept with both of our babies and I tried without much success to move my daughter into her own bed when my DH was deployed, much for the same reason, wanting to share the bed with my love. We now have our 2nd child and are dealing with a cosleeper who isn’t seeming ready to transition, but I have some advice…which I pray pans out for you. I have taken one of my old materinty shirts (with long sleeves) and I wore it for a couple of days strait and got it nice and mommy scented, and now I try my best to swaddle him after he’s fallen asleep and put a fleece blanket down over the cold sheet (which is why I think my lo’s don’t like the cribs) we keep them warm with our body and scent, hopethis helps…
Much love,
OK, so I’m not a mom, but my wife and I went through this with our 5-month-old. For the first 3 1/2 months, he slept either ‘on’ one of us (for naps) or in our bed at night. We decided to try the crib again at that point because it was getting harder to get him to sleep in my arms.
We started with naps. We put him in the crib, and, inevitably, he started crying. We turned on the mobile and left the room. If he was still crying after 10 minutes, we went in and rubbed his tummy. We would only do this 3 times, though, then we would take him for a walk to get him to fall asleep.
In just a few days, he was going down for naps like a champ. Nighttime was harder, and we went for a lot of walks. What helps us is that we’re only leaving him for 10 minutes at a time.
The other thing is, sleep begets sleep. We noticed he was sleeping a lot more once we moved to the crib. He’s usually only awake between 1 1/2 and 2 hours between naps. He goes down for the night around 6, and Danielle feeds him before we go to bed around 10 or 11, and Sean sleeps through the night till about 6 a.m.
Hope that helps a little. It was SO hard for us (Sean’s our first). Listening to him cry is heartbreaking.
Hi there! Sounds like it would be really helpful for you to read “The Baby Whisperer”! No kidding, I think it’s a fabulous book. Let me know if the techniques work for you!
Actually, have you tried a pacifier? I know that there are many who don’t like using them but it worked for our son (and saved our sanity for sleep!). And he’s seven now and hasn’t used one since he was 2.
Sometimes babies just need that soothing reflex of sucking on something.
I do second the 5 minute, 10 min, 15 min sleeping rule. It’s excruciating to do, but it usually pays off after a few days. It’s ok to let babies cry, especially if you’re trying to help them learn how to fall asleep themselves. Remember, you’re the parent!
On another side to it, though, doing this and being in a deployment I think would be much much harder. My husband was home when we were going through this and he literally kept me from running to the room every minute when we were doing the waiting game to help our son learn to sleep. Guys are just a little tougher - us mamas hate for our children to be upset about anything! (But, in this case, it really will help them in the long run - and you!)
Good luck!!
hola, i just wanted to say that i will be watching and reading because that is our problem right now with our 9 month old…he was born while daddy was deployed to IRAQ and since it was he and i in my bed, it just made it EASIER to sleep with him than to get up and nurse….sooo, now that daddy is back in the states (although not back home YET), i would LOVE to get this little guy in his CRIB!!! soooo, i am anxiously waiting to find out what advice is given to you!! GOOD LUCK!!!
I think it is great that you won’t let your baby cry! If you need more motivation on not letting him cry, there are tons of links here that explain why it is harmful to let your baby cry to sleep: http://forum.kellymom.net/showthread.php?t=42835 Stay away from the baby trainers like the Baby Whisperer!
If you can’t move him after he has fallen asleep, why not put a mattress on the floor in his room instead of the crib and then you can nurse him to sleep there and then sneak out of the room?
On the human pacifier, issue, a good friend of mine once said: “You are not a pacifier; you are a Mom. You are the sun, the moon, the earth, you are liquid love, you are warmth, you are security, you are comfort in the very deepest aspect of the meaning of comfort…. but you are not a pacifier!” — by Paula Yount
Hi Krista, One of my babies would only sleep at night if he was in his carseat! So I’d lean the car seat against the wall and strap him in and let him sleep there at night sometimes during the first six months. He gradually did transition into a crib. And I did use that “Ferber” method of letting the baby cry for long periods. It was horrible the first few days - I didn’t get any sleep listening to his crying - but after a few days he did start to go to sleep without prolonged crying. I think you should give it a try, be prepared for a few sleep deprived nights, and then see if he adjusts. Good luck with this.
THANK YOU SARAn HORN!! My first two kids hated pacifiers so I didn’t even think of it.
I stopped nursing at 1am because
He actually likes a pacifier! and went back to sleep! I feel like a person again!
Krista
Hi All,
I am reading this much too late, but posting for other late-comers who might be seeking advice for a similar problem.
I am feeling all of your pain in terms of wanting more sleep and time alone with your partners.
In my experience, babies WILL outgrow the family bed naturally on their own schedule. They have a biological imparative to be close to their parents during the night, and all of your efforts (and sacrifices) to foster this will only help your kid become more secure/healthy individuals. Enforcing a schedule or moving the child out of the family bed before they are ready can acheive short-term success, but at the cost of decreased attachment.
Being a human pacifier all night is not ideal, and I know the pain of nipples that are too sore from on demand feeding. It is okay to let your child cry in your arms if all of her obvious needs are met (changed, fed, temeperature, no illness etc). It is okay just to hold her and be present with her while she learns to become comfortable with sleep.
Your children WILL sleep through the night and they WILL be ready to move out of your bed. How many 18 year olds do you know are still sleeping with their parents?
Have faith and trust the needs of your kids serve a big purpose!