One of my favorite things about the Oscars – or any awards show – is watching the nominees making their best “gracious loser” face after the winner is announced. You have to look happy for the actor/actress who won while trying to hide your own shock and disappointment that it’s NOT YOU. There’s a great episode of Friends where Joey completely fails at the gracious loser thing and then steals someone else’s statue. I truly believe all of life’s answers can be found by watching Friends.
This week, I’ve been practicing my own gracious loser face – only in reverse. My wonderful, hardworking, brilliant husband wasn’t selected for Limited Duty Officer (LDO) this year. He is understandable disappointed. I am…not. Don’t get me wrong, we both agree that LDO is a wonderful opportunity and the best thing for his career. I fully supported his decision to apply and will be even more supportive and helpful when he prepares his package again this fall. But right now I’m having a really hard time suppressing my relief that our lives will not be thrown into disarray for the next four years.
When Evan made Chief back in September, we were not prepared to move and I said so VERY LOUDLY many, many times. His wonderful command pulled some strings – a lot of strings, like a whole kite store worth of strings – to get his orders to San Diego canceled and new orders for shore duty here in Connecticut written. He reports May 5th. These orders could not come at a better time. He will be around for at least the first year of our baby’s life. He will be home for dinner (or at least in time to order a pizza) and on the weekends. We don’t have to sell the house we love so much (and can’t afford to sell. I don’t have to leave the nursery I’ve spent the last 8 months planning and decorating. I am so excited that I get to STOP WORRYING and just enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy it’s really hard to be sad about Evan’s non-selection. Between paternity leave and two weeks of transition time for the new job, I’ll have a full time husband for almost the whole month of April. Unless a magical fairy lands in my yard with a sack of gold and grants me three wishes (world peace, a body like Heidi Klum, and duh, unlimited wishes!) I couldn’t be any happier.
Luckily, I think Evan’s starting to come around. Yesterday when he came home from duty he said “One down, four more duty days to go!” with a big smile. I graciously smiled back.
8 Comments
just dropped here when i’m searching on the internet about career planning…i have read your story.
hope you and your family always be success.
having read a few other less than brilliant articles of yours, this blog post didn’t shock me much. but it was amusingly sad that you would gloat publicly over sabotaging your husband’s career advancement in order to avoid a pcs move you didn’t feel like making…especially in light of your stated awareness of the disappointment this has caused him. but that glib, self-absorbed “oh well, he’ll get over it” attitude of yours is what i have come to recognize as the “signature feature” in your writings.
thank god all of our men and women in uniform aren’t married to people like you.
Wow, looks like somebody’s trolling for page views on his own blog. What an unbelievable lack of perspective and sense of humor.
I thought this was a funny and honest post. How sad that we can’t have a decent, human conversation without spammers and trolls tainting our comments.
I have read this a couple times because there’s something that seems a bit off – if you didn’t want to PCS (and thus didn’t really want your husband to get selected for LDO, at least right now) how can you say you “fully supported” his decision to apply?
Every time my husband has the opportunity to apply for something, we discuss the pros and cons. That is my opportunity to say whether or not I agree with everything that comes with selection (PCS, being alone during a deployment, etc.). If we agree he will apply, that means I “fully support” whatever happens (including his slection). He has enough going on that he shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I will be unhappy with the outcome.
You can fully support something and not fully agree with or like it. Just because she was relieved that it didn’t happen doesn’t mean that she didn’t support him. I’m sure if he had been selected for LOD she would have happily gone along with everything as planned, but she is relieved that it didn’t happen. I have faced this a lot as a military spouse just as I’m sure you all have. My husband and I decided that it was best for his career volunteer for an unaccompanied tour to Korea. We both agreed and I fully support him, but I’m not happy to see him go. I’m not happy that he’s going to miss a year of his child’s life and would be somewhat relieved if he decided not to. Mixed emotions are part of being a military spouse and I think some of you are being extremely insensitive.
not at all. been around the military (navy included) long enuff to know that when u put n for a commissioning program and refuse pcs orders while the selection is being made, u will NOT b selected. and she at least had to know that would hurt his chances. common sense would tell anybody that if u don’t do what the navy asks u to do, they r less likely to give u what u ask for. and she made it very clear that she drew a line n the sand about the pcs move and got his orders changed. that killed his ldo selection right there…period.
Wow, Ken, your reading comprehension (and spelling) really needs some work. I didn’t get ANYONE’S LDO orders changed. Since in the past we’ve made choices based ENTIRELY ON HIS CAREER, my husband has been on sea duty for almost 8 years – his Chief detailer wrote yet another set of sea tour orders without thinking about it. We were more than due a shore duty. And if you had been around long “enuff” you would know that everything in the military moves as a glacial speed – when Evan’s package was turned in, reviewed and considered our original orders to San Diego were still official. We didn’t get the shore duty job in writing until last week.
Stefanie – I’m so glad your husband doesn’t care if he makes you happy. That’s not how it works in my marriage. My husband feels exactly the same way about this whole situation – disappointed he was judged and found lacking but completely relieved not to be dealing with the logistics of a transition right now.
Suzanne, I think you and your husband have the “role model” for making your marriage work if your in the military! Both of you have to be happy! Too many divorces in our Country as it is! When husband and wife are in agreement and know the decisions they make are best for there family, somehow, everything turns out for the good in the end. I always think of a speech given by a Col. in the Air Force at his retirement ceremony who went through a divorce during his time on active duty. He said, “now that I have suceeded in all the things I wanted to do in my career, with many awards, pictures, and medals on the walls. I look at my life alone, no one to share my memories with, and not very much fun to talk to. That stuff on the walls will not keep you warm at night. Make sure you keep your priorities straight.” May God Bless you and your wonderful husband and family for all your sacrifices and servic to our country!